Motherhood & Depression

Join me as a guest on Dr. Christi Hibbert's new radio show "Motherhood" talking about motherhood and depression. If you haven't dealt with this yourself, odds are you know someone who has. Listen in for ideas and advice on coping for new and seasoned moms. And not only on how to cope, but-as Dr. Hibbert likes to say-eventually flourish!  

http://l.facebook.com/l/WAQEjoXoC/webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/motherhood/

Look back for the YouTube link when it becomes available!

The Only True Failure

I returned home this afternoon despondent after an urgent care appointment did not turn out as desired. "I am tired of seeing doctors and seeking answers to my physical and mental ills," I thought. Browsing through email on my phone, I saw an invite from my cousin on FB inviting me to join the "Happy Wives Club" (www.happywivesclub.com). Intrigued, I checked it out, including reading about the book of the same name.  

Imagine that, I thought. Women who are happy to be married, who aren't complaining about their husbands, their kids, their lives, their problems. Just a different mindset, I thought. One I should consider.

As I contemplated this, I realized...

This is what Satan wants. 
He wants me to be unhappy!!! 
He wants me to feel helpless and hopeless, frantic and frazzled, to be distracted and discouraged.

He wants me to be miserable because he is miserable!
He wants me to fail miserably because he has failed miserably!!
He wants me to let go of my dreams because he will never attain his (ruling the world). 

"But I feel overwhelmed taking care of myself, my children, my marriage!" I complained.

He wants to overwhelm you and weigh you down, so you won't look up. Because what happens when you look up? You see light: the sun, the moon, the stars, the Savior, the Father, faces of people who love you and you love back. And in light, you feel hope, peace, gratitude, love; you see the good, you feel good, you are good.

Satan has failed and he is a failure. He is the only true failure because he chose not to choose at all.

So hang in there. Don't let Satan win. Be happy! Choose hope! Light! Love. Choose to let Christ and light in.  

And check this link out for a similar idea in raising your kids using love, praise, and positivity: http://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/02/helping-children-develop-feelings-of-self-worth?lang=eng

"This Is How We Grow" Blog Hop, 2013

Shine, Baby…Shine!

When I was 21, I was a senior at Brigham Young University in the highly sought after and hard-to-get-into Film Program and on my way to graduation. I had secured internships at several well-known film businesses in LA and had worked hard to get them. Then I met my husband. I chose to get married, and then I chose to back out of the internships.

One might conclude that marriage ruined my ambitions. But that wasn’t it at all. I had ruined my ambitions. I chose to stay in the shadows and fade away when I could have-should have-chosen to shine. My own fears, insecurities, depressive tendencies, and lack of optimism and confidence led to my own lack of personal development.   

Christi and I at the 2013 ANWA Writing Conference in Phx.

 

 

Fast forward 16 years later to November 13, 2013: my good friend, writing companion, and psychologist, Christina Hibbert, has just published her first book, “This Is How We Grow.” It is an immediate success on Amazon, and as she celebrates one of the biggest days of her career, I experience one of the lowest of mine.

Back in the fall of 2011, when Dr. Hibbert had asked for help in writing her book, I jumped at the chance! As her friend, I knew her well; I believed in her, in her story, and in her ability to tell it well. I was as excited as she was about her finally being in a place to share it with others.

For over a year, she wrote and re-wrote tirelessly, worked and re-worked the story-format, and bravely pitched her book idea to various publishers and agents. As her friend and editor, I helped. But to no avail. Her format was different and new, and no one was willing to take a risk-except for Christi herself.

She hired a professional to help her develop a “brand” and an online presence. She built a social media platform from scratch, utilizing advice from colleagues and others. She dove headlong into the self-publishing process, taking on the added stress of becoming her own agent and publisher.

Point of story: she never gave up! In the end, she realized her dream because:  

1. She Desired to write a book.

2. She Believed in her ability to do it. (And when doubt crept in, she turned to others for reinforcement).

3. She put forth Effort (Lots of it-over an extended period of time!)

4. She Achieved! (I call this “Jen’s Formula for Success” and Dr. Hibbert exemplified it perfectly).

So as my dear friend Christi flourishes, why do I find myself floundering? It’s never been hard for me to help others shine. Why is it hard for me to let myself shine? How can someone as old as me succumb to something as childish as jealousy? What can I do to feel better, but far more importantly, what can I do to be better in this situation I find myself in?

Well, for starters, take Dr. Hibbert’s sage advice: Choose to grow. Choose to come out of the shadows, to come out of hiding, to confront my fears and insecurities and put myself out there like she has. Choose to overcome jealousy, rise above comparison and competition, and become the person I want to and know I can become. And then finally…I will see myself flourish.

I am at a point in my life where I have been confronted with both personal and family challenges that feel far beyond my ability to manage, let alone overcome. As I questioned what to do as different crises hit, the thought occurred to me: Start back where you stopped, back in college…   

This time, however, when you feel the fear of the unknown (and it feels extremely scary-terrifying, in fact), choose to leave the safety and comfort of your home. Walk out into the world and reach out to people you don't know and introduce yourself with a confident smile you do not feel (yet).

Some of them won't believe in you…but others will. In fact, you will connect with them and they with you in ways that surprise even them…and you will begin to grow. In the light of others' acceptance and support and your own, you will blossom. And as you continue to courageously develop and share your unique talents with others, you will flourish. 

16 years after backing out of the internships, I am finally in a place to see things as they really were then, to see myself as I really am now, and to have faith and hope in the woman I can become in the future. It’s not too late to rise to the call to grow for me, for you, for anyone-the call to overcome, become, and flourish. And I invite you to let go of jealousy, insecurity, and fear and grow with me.

{jen}

An Ache to Create

Link to my new Imagine Dragon's fav song "Bleeding Out"

I just discovered  the band Imagine Dragons

(their hit song "Radioactive" was featured on the soundtrack

of the film "The Host"). I loved the band's sound, and my 

husband bought me the album, Night Visions, the next day.

In researching them online, I discovered their lead singer-

Dan Reynolds-has struggled with depression and anxiety his entire life. This struck me as intriguing due to a quote I heard from Flagstaff-native author Mary Sojourner a few years back: "I wonder how many women and men who have been labeled depressives are artists starving for their work."

In 2 different interviews, Reynolds shared:

“It’s an ongoing battle for me; I don’t think anyone who struggles with it can ever kick it fully. I don’t want it to be some sob story. It’s just dealing with life, and life isn’t always unicorns and green fields,"  and "For some people, it's in their blood to be happy. Other people have to work for it...it's definitely something I struggle with." But he added, " Music has been my way out; it's the light at the end of the tunnel. That's why I chose to pursue it." 

He also shared:

"I always leaned more toward the creative side...I’m probably an overly emotional person and write from an 

emotional place. At the end of the day, I hope to leave a message that betters (a listener's) life in some way 

rather than detracts from it, and that it uplifts them. Or, a darker, sad song that they connect with so they don’t feel so alone.”

I really related to his comments and have found myself in a similar place of needing and wanting to create to 

deal with what's going on in myself, in my life, and to help others. In essence, I've been experiencing an ache to create.

I think we depressives could learn from Reynolds' experience and enjoy more fulfillment, joy, and success in 

our lives if we too listened to our hearts and pursued our dreams with more faith in ourselves and our abilities...if we stop letting fear be our guide and let faith in God and ourselves move us forward.

"I was too afraid of my heart being broken if my dreams didn't come true," Reynolds shared, "so I never said anything (about his musical desires). I tried to do the best I could with what I had; what would come, would 

come. So to be here now (performing to sold-out audiences) it's a crazy thing."

Check out more of his story at: www.imaginedragonssmusic.com

Today's Goal: Create! Use my emotional energy-positive or negative-to create something to help myself and 

others.

The FlyLady's 11 Commandments!

While living on the East Coast, a good friend introduced me to the book "Sink Reflections" by Marla Cilley, aka The FlyLady. Marla is a recovered clutter-aholic who developed her own personal system/tools/ideas to dig herself out of chaos & misery and create order & peace in her life and home. I have been re-reading her book for fun and thought I'd share her 11 Commandments.

Fly Lady’s 11 Commandments
1 Keep your sink clean and shiny!
2 Get dressed every morning, even if you don’t feel like it. Don’t forget your lace-up shoes.
3 Do your morning and before bedtime routine everyday.
4 Don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked by the computer.
5 Pick up after yourself. If you get it out, put it away.
6 Don’t try to do two projects at once. ONE JOB AT A TIME.
7 Don’t pull out more than you can put back in one hour.
8 Do something for yourself everyday, maybe every morning and night.
9 Work as fast as you can to get the job done. This will give you more time to play later.
10 Smile even when you don’t feel like it. It is contagious. Make your mind up to be happy and you will be.
11 Don’t forget to laugh everyday. Pamper yourself, you deserve it.

**For a WAY CUTER version of this, click on HappyHomeHabits! You'll also see an ad for a Home Routines i-phone app. Haven't tried it but it looks good.**

AND if you are feeling especially disorganized and overwhelmed, check out the FlyLady's book. Each time I browse through it, I get immediate support via an idea, thought, encouragement, etc. She also has a blog if you want to check it out at http://www.flylady.net/.

The Gospel Path is LESS Rocky

Now that we've decided to stay in Flagstaff, I've taken up mountain biking again. This morning I went out alone on some trails near our home. A few gnats in the eyes/mouth later, I realized if not my eyes, I could at least keep my mouth shut. :)

I started on some shorter trail loops then jumped onto the Walnut Meadow Loop, an almost 4 mile ride. It is beautiful country in Flag but rocky. Near the beginning, I hit some clumps of rocks in the middle of the trail that caused me to swerve a little, so I jumped off the trail momentarily to avoid more rocks and instead hit some bigger ones. I jumped back on the path as fast as I could, realizing my mistake. In my naïveté, I had figured avoiding any rocks was the goal until I saw how uneven and more potentially dangerous the outskirts were.

This got me thinking that sometimes when we live the gospel, we think the path should be straight, narrow, and paved! But that's not the point of the gospel path. It is safer, but there will still be bumps and bruises along the way. The point is that the path will always be safer than the off-road alternative.

As I continued on the loop, I started to worry I wasn't on the right trail anymore.  I had gone for a long time without seeing a tall, brown trail marker, and after constant twists and turns in the path, I didn't even know what direction I was heading anymore. I was tempted to stop and backtrack. 

But I resisted the urge, committing to finishing the trail I had started. I had stayed on the main trail the whole time I assured myself. Eventually, it would bring me back to the beginning I reasoned. After some time passed, I did finally pass a trail marker and finished the loop. Whoo-hoo!

In life, we each receive confirmations--like the trail markers--that we are indeed heading the right direction or on the right path for us.  But sometimes when it's been a while since we've received a witness/answer and the road begins to twist and turn in unfamiliar/unplanned ways, we are tempted to say: "This is not the path I meant to choose" or "This can't be the right way anymore," and we lose faith and want to abandon it.

Just hang in there though and know that if you knew it was right before, it still is right, even if Heavenly Father is presently silent. Eventually, you'll come to the end and be grateful you didn't quit.

Green Drink!

My brother is a naturopathic doctor in the Valley and sends out a monthly newsletter to clients/friends/family. I subscribe and always glean something helpful from it each time. This month, he wrote about training for a triathalon in September and becoming re-energized through Green Drinks. He includes he and his wife's personal recipe, which he says has transformed their excercise.

I'm excited to try it and hope it helps you too!

http://www.eastvalleynd.com/blog/journey-of-a-tri-athlete/?utm_source=July+Newsletter&utm_campaign=July+Newsletter+2012&utm_medium=email