Back to the Basics

Today's advice comes in the form of a five-letter word: SLEEP!

Having been at family's for the last four days, I realize that my ability to manage my negative emotions/thoughts is directly related to my energy level. Like a recovering alcoholic, I know my limits with regards to how much sleep I need to be able to function semi-rationally. However, I decided just one late night wouldn't hurt, and I stayed up two hours past my normal bedtime.

The next day, I was cranky and negative and couldn't figure out why I was feeling so annoyed at everything and everyone. "Do I need medication, to see a counselor, to just go home and get away from everyone?" I wondered.

That night, I went to bed at an earlier hour and the next morning woke up relatively calm and kind.  As negative thoughts and emotions came throughout the day, I was better able to counter them with more rational thoughts, thus keeping myself above-water emotionally.

For those of us who struggle with managing negative thoughts and emotions, we can make it harder on ourselves to counter these joy-blockers when we are physically exhausted. Invest in yourself by going to bed at an earlier hour and getting enough sleep. Start TONIGHT!

White Fudge and Putting First Things First

Maren w/friend Sophia at Fire Station.

As I was reading the book The Candy ShopWar by Brandon Mull, I came across a passage this morning that really stood out to me. One of the main characters, a ten-year-old named Nate, is in trouble and trying to solicit help from his father who is normally involved and concerned.  His father has become distant and distracted because of a magical spell in some white fudge he's consumed.

Nate approaches his dad, who is watching tv, and tries to talk to him.  He begins, "I've gotten involved in something really dangerous...I'm in way over my head.  I need your help." Nate continues to try to convince his father of the seriousness of his predicament, even telling him he is worried for his life, but to no avail.

At one point, Nate says, "Dad, the white fudge is addictive. Not just because it tastes good.  The fudge makes people who eat it lose their focus and blinds them to what is going on around them." Nate's dad is unresponsive and finally says, "Is there a (tv) show on you want to watch?"

This last line really hit me because the television/computer is a classic babysitter for most of us parents trying to get things done. How many times have I said this same thing to one of my children when what they were really asking for was my time and attention?

This got me thinking about what I might be "consuming" that might be distracting me away from what really is most important--what I might be addicted to that is making me lose focus and blinding me to what is going on around me and who is around me.  I thought of several "white fudges" in my life: perfectionism and depression.

Just yesterday, I was losing my temper at my husband and children because the house was a mess.  My husband pointed out all the things they had cleaned up that I hadn't noticed.  My grumpiness carried over to everyone, and soon my children were bickering, and my usually calm husband was growling at everyone. "A little bit goes a long way," I realized, as I saw the effects of my negativity on those around me.  I stopped myself in my tracks, apologized, then started instead to say positive things, express gratitude, and to let the mess go and focus on relationships. The rest of the day went much better, though the house was still pretty messy.

As I pondered my "white fudges" and losing focus, I mentally imagined wiping my slate clean of any "to dos".  "What is most important?" I asked myself. "Is it my husband, Heavenly Father, my kids?"

I decided it was my relationship with God and Christ. If I put my husband first, I might make choices that are not in the overall best interest of myself or family.  If I put my Heavenly Father and Savior first, then my life is aligned with what is right and that will affect the rest of my relationships positively. Plus, if I am trying to get my children to do what's right, but I'm not, then I will be ineffective as a parent.

I realized I also need to put myself up at the top too, because if I am unhealthy physically, emotionally, or spiritually, I will be of no use to anyone, not even God.

Then I decided after that, Royce would come next. If he and I are not getting along, then no matter how much I tell the kids to be respectful, they won't...they just copy us.  So I need to nurture and invest in this relationship that Pres. Benson called the most important relationship in this life.

Then the children.

Then the chores. :)

Upon realizing my own loss of focus and priorities, I decided I needed to make prayer a priority again.  I needed to put first things first and re-establish that connection with Heaven. Heavenly Father, just like me as a parent, keeps me alive and going through His love, work, sacrifice, and perseverance on my part. And in the same way I care about my children, He cares about me-how I am doing, what I am struggling with, and He wants to help.

Find or create some quiet time today to discern what your "white fudges" might be. Evaluate what your priorities are and whether your time is actually going toward them. Put first things first.

A Friend

Today, help came in the form of a friend. 

It was 11:30 am and I had not showered yet, having gotten distracted with laundry and meal planning.  My neighbor and close friend, Jess, called and asked me over for a quick lunch of leftovers at noon.  The thought of visiting with her cheered me up instantly, and I quickly showered and got ready. 

Eva was happy to leave the house with me and walk up the hill to Austin's for lunch and play time.  It was a warmer day than I had anticipated, having been shut up in my house with the heater running all morning.  The warmth felt rejuvenating after weeks of daytime wind and chill. 

As we neared the top of the hill, I looked around me at the blue sky full of brilliant white clouds and towering pine trees.  My anxiety was replaced with calm and peace.  I felt grateful for the sun that keeps rising, even when I don't...for the constant sky above me even when I'm not constant...and for the clouds that keep drifting even when I am immobile.  All of God's creations continue on every day, cycling in and out of their respective spheres, whether or not I come out of my house to appreciate them and be blessed by them...and I'm grateful for that.

And for a friend that called me over last minute for lunch.