"This Is How We Grow" Blog Hop, 2013

Shine, Baby…Shine!

When I was 21, I was a senior at Brigham Young University in the highly sought after and hard-to-get-into Film Program and on my way to graduation. I had secured internships at several well-known film businesses in LA and had worked hard to get them. Then I met my husband. I chose to get married, and then I chose to back out of the internships.

One might conclude that marriage ruined my ambitions. But that wasn’t it at all. I had ruined my ambitions. I chose to stay in the shadows and fade away when I could have-should have-chosen to shine. My own fears, insecurities, depressive tendencies, and lack of optimism and confidence led to my own lack of personal development.   

Christi and I at the 2013 ANWA Writing Conference in Phx.

 

 

Fast forward 16 years later to November 13, 2013: my good friend, writing companion, and psychologist, Christina Hibbert, has just published her first book, “This Is How We Grow.” It is an immediate success on Amazon, and as she celebrates one of the biggest days of her career, I experience one of the lowest of mine.

Back in the fall of 2011, when Dr. Hibbert had asked for help in writing her book, I jumped at the chance! As her friend, I knew her well; I believed in her, in her story, and in her ability to tell it well. I was as excited as she was about her finally being in a place to share it with others.

For over a year, she wrote and re-wrote tirelessly, worked and re-worked the story-format, and bravely pitched her book idea to various publishers and agents. As her friend and editor, I helped. But to no avail. Her format was different and new, and no one was willing to take a risk-except for Christi herself.

She hired a professional to help her develop a “brand” and an online presence. She built a social media platform from scratch, utilizing advice from colleagues and others. She dove headlong into the self-publishing process, taking on the added stress of becoming her own agent and publisher.

Point of story: she never gave up! In the end, she realized her dream because:  

1. She Desired to write a book.

2. She Believed in her ability to do it. (And when doubt crept in, she turned to others for reinforcement).

3. She put forth Effort (Lots of it-over an extended period of time!)

4. She Achieved! (I call this “Jen’s Formula for Success” and Dr. Hibbert exemplified it perfectly).

So as my dear friend Christi flourishes, why do I find myself floundering? It’s never been hard for me to help others shine. Why is it hard for me to let myself shine? How can someone as old as me succumb to something as childish as jealousy? What can I do to feel better, but far more importantly, what can I do to be better in this situation I find myself in?

Well, for starters, take Dr. Hibbert’s sage advice: Choose to grow. Choose to come out of the shadows, to come out of hiding, to confront my fears and insecurities and put myself out there like she has. Choose to overcome jealousy, rise above comparison and competition, and become the person I want to and know I can become. And then finally…I will see myself flourish.

I am at a point in my life where I have been confronted with both personal and family challenges that feel far beyond my ability to manage, let alone overcome. As I questioned what to do as different crises hit, the thought occurred to me: Start back where you stopped, back in college…   

This time, however, when you feel the fear of the unknown (and it feels extremely scary-terrifying, in fact), choose to leave the safety and comfort of your home. Walk out into the world and reach out to people you don't know and introduce yourself with a confident smile you do not feel (yet).

Some of them won't believe in you…but others will. In fact, you will connect with them and they with you in ways that surprise even them…and you will begin to grow. In the light of others' acceptance and support and your own, you will blossom. And as you continue to courageously develop and share your unique talents with others, you will flourish. 

16 years after backing out of the internships, I am finally in a place to see things as they really were then, to see myself as I really am now, and to have faith and hope in the woman I can become in the future. It’s not too late to rise to the call to grow for me, for you, for anyone-the call to overcome, become, and flourish. And I invite you to let go of jealousy, insecurity, and fear and grow with me.

{jen}